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  • How to Save Sonic The Hedgehog

    Say you’re Sega and you want to save Sonic the Hedgehog… how do you do that exactly? Where do you start?

    I guess a good a place as any is to decide what form you want fuzzy-blue to continue on and I would say there is two main paths- the ‘Megaman’ Route and the ‘Mario’ route. If you take the Megaman path, then Sonics revival won’t be too hard to pull off- it simply means accepting your franchise has one central gimmick which is tied inseparably to its existence on retro consoles. You wanna go down that route? Super! Just hire some fresh faced game developers who grew up on the Genisis and put them to work cranking out old style Sonic titles for portables and cheap downloads. The only downside to that is its pretty niche and has little room for long term growth. If you want growth, you have to go down the ‘Mario’ route and that’s much more difficult as it requires breaking down your franchise to its basics and working out how to apply those basics to a whole new form.

    Step 1: Find A New Purpose For Speed.

    Mario jumps high and gains abilities by wearing gaudy costumes. Link has a sword. Mario and Samus have upgradeable guns instead of hands. Sonic runs really, really fast, which is great for getting from point A to point B but not so great for exploration, puzzle solving and combat. But without his speed, Sonic is nothing- it’s his ‘thing’ so you need to use it. But since speed is no longer interesting… you need to use it creatively. I say go back and refine the hell out of it, by letting him build up Super Speed by running a certain distance whilst holding down a button. Also build in a Super Speed Dash Move as a combat option; limited by a gage of some sort that keeps the usage down and is replenished by, oh I dunno…the rings, for example? And hey, seeing as we all know Sonic drowns so easy, which not have it so that at top speed he can run on the surface of water? Or maybe you can do that thing where you move so fast the world around you slows down- a Sonic Hyper Mode if you like? Basically, this is just a philosophical shift; it’s not the GAME that’s fast, it’s a game ABOUT a guy who is fast.

    Step 2: Kill The Cast.

    Yes, Sonics friends suck. You wanna get serious about saving this franchise then it’s time to thin the herd! You need the hero, you need the sidekick, you need the ambiguous anti-hero and you need the villain… I guess Amy can stick around too. Everyone else is a waste of space; no more Shadow, no more Big, no more rabbits and cats and bats and whatever other animals they decided to throw in. In fact, let’s make this the beginning of the next game: Dr Robotnik decides he’s had enough and murders everyone! Sonics new motivation: Revenge. See, now you have a bad-ass hero and a villain who you actually want to destroy with the added bonus of never seeing Cream again. This brings me to my next step.

    Step 3: Characterisation.

    Fundamentals people: Just who exactly is Sonic the Hedgehog? Willing hero, unwilling anti-hero, rebel, loner, white knight or rogue? … Why are we cheering for him, who are his friends, why are they his friends and more importantly who are his enemies and why? These are questions that need answering and if done correctly, you can have a kick ass narrative on your hands. Seeing as the game’s continuity is shit… let me have a quick shot at reworking this:

    Sonic; loner, keeps to himself; doesn’t get involved and doesn’t have to. Why? Because he has the ability to run the hell away from anything and everything. Maybe he finds himself in some place new (or not, hints at back-story) that is having problems with an evil bad guy. Maybe in an act of random selflessness (or maybe not so random, hints at back story) he saves a local from the baddie… a cute little kid who will forever idolise Sonic from now on or a girl who will be smitten with him or both!? Let’s say Sonic gets his ass handed to him in this fight, so the kid and girl take him back to their village. Sonic finds out the village is in trouble as the bad guy is oppressing them… but there is Sonic: the hero! He has super powers! But he doesn’t want to be as he has no stake here. He doesn’t even know the bad guy (or does he, hints at back-story) but everyone believes in Sonic and his deep down heroic character! MAYBE the village already had a guy who was supposed to be their champion like Knuckles perhaps? But Knuckles can’t defeat the goons like Sonic can… I bet he resents the hell out of that. And the bad guy; he’s a scientist right? Maybe he does experiments on animals, like turning a particular hedgehog into a radioactive blue speed machine? Maybe that very hedgehog, before he was blue, lived in a certain village where he was picked on so he ran off and was never seen again? I wonder…

    OK, no one is going to give me a book award for that; it’s pretty standard stuff but I’ll toot my own horn and say it’s not bad for a random idea thought of on the Acropolis. I’m just demonstrating you don’t need to turn Sonic into a werewolf or have him involved in love relationships with humans.

    Thus ends my Sonic the Hedgehog rant. Next up: whatever crops up, but most likely a Part Two of my Race rant seeing as a certain game has been out for the past month. Oh… and pictures, of course!

  • Random GIF of Awesomeness!

  • Kate Is Trollin On Nerdy's Blogs!

  • Valkyrie Chronicles the Anime!

    For a lot of people out there, Valkyrie Chronicles isn't even on the radar as a good game. In fact, most people will tell you it's a movie starring Cruise, set during the second world war and is about the conspiracy to assassinate Hitler.

    Valkyrie Chronicles is a PS3 game released last year and flopped massivly in sales. However, it is also regarded as one of the best strategy/ RPG's on the platform. The game is set in Europa, a fictional version of Europe, in 1935. Because of its abundance of Ragnite Ore, which can be refined into a powerful fuel, the neutral nation of Gallia comes under attack from the East Europan Imperial Alliance, which is itself engaged in a war with the Atlantic Federation. Players take control of an uprising of Gallian nationals, dedicated to repelling the invasion. The game's visuals, which feature SEGA's CANVAS graphics engine, has received a lot of attention - with CANVAS, the game's entire graphical style is built to resemble a watercolor painting in motion.

    The game however, is now out of print. If you want to get your hands on it then Ebay is the easiest option. But each copy sells for a ridiculously high price tag...

    So if you havn't amanged to get your hands on the game, have no fear. An Anime was announced a few weeks back, and it is set to air in spring 2009. That's by the end of this month!

    Judging from the image above, the anime is not too shabby at all. I’m actually liking it so far. Looks like it won’t be much different from the game and the quality looks great.

    Visit the Site Here.

  • TURNIPS!

    Havn't seen my friends face in 3 days- she is playing Harvest Moon PSP, or should I say... 'living' Harvest Moon. Apparently she has planted a whole fields of various fruit and veg such as: turnips, strawberries, avacardo's, potatoes, roses, catstail flowers, lavender, rosemary, kiwis and other things which I dont get. Why can't she kill Sephiroth? Or save Jak from capture? Each to their own :3

    (Apparently I got the title wrong. It's 'Innocent Life: Harvest Moon'. She's correcting me now...)

  • Oh Noez! :(

    Lost my debit card in Greece... must... find... way... to... get... food!

    I also only have 100 euros left to buy food and travel. Methinks I will need to sell some of my possessions just to survive (bye bye Ipod)

  • Umbrella's Government Bailout.

    Company founder begs Senate for $100 billion aid package in order to avoid imminent collapse, unfortunate accidents.

    WASHINGTON, D.C.- Executives from the Umbrella Corporation today asked the US government for nearly $100 billion in aid money. They said without such funding, the world's largest pharmaceutical bioterrorism researcher could go bankrupt as early as June. It would be the company's second bankruptcy, having restructured several years ago after running a gauntlet of lawsuits and criminal investigations.

    'This isn't just about keeping the Umbrella family together, or making sure our 10,000 employees have paychecks to put food on the table,' Umbrella founder Ozwell E. Spencer said in an impassioned speech to the U.S. Senate earlier today. 'It's about hope. It's about mom, baseball, and apple pie. It's about keeping the United States at the forefront of exciting fields such as pharmaceutically mind-controlled super soldiers.'

    Spencer said that simply powering the containment tanks at Umbrella's Washington, D.C. facility of super-mutated biological weapons costs several million a month. He added that the company has been genetically engineering the creatures who can no longer be deemed 'human' so that they can sustain themselves only on the flesh of the perpetually homeless. While Spencer stressed that only grown males were intended to be among the sustainable food sources for these creatures, he did admit that, 'there are some glitches that have yet to be worked out.' Last month's glitches alone tallied three women, a small orphanage, and a stray cat.

    Opponents to the proposed Umbrella bailout, such as Senator Ron Davis, have criticized the company for stepping up its outsourcing in recent years. 'Umbrella practically owned Raccoon City as the rural town grew into an industrialized metropolitan center,' declared the senator. 'But after the city was devastated by an unrelated catastrophe, Umbrella turned its back on the hard-working Americans of Raccoon City who survived physically, if not mentally. Instead, the company turned overseas, using subsidiaries to set up operations in rural Spain and the African nation of Kijuju, where labor is incredibly cheap and frequently homicidal.'

    After Spencer's appearance before Congress, Atlantic Colgate Securities' Wilson Evans downgraded Umbrella stock from 'Hold' to 'Sell.'

    'After years of stagnant revenues and slipping profit margins, we have lost faith in this management team,' Evans said in a note to investors. 'While they undeniably lead the world in turning ordinary people into turbo-freaky killing machines with, like, a bajillion tentacle knives, we are beginning to rethink the profit potential of furthering humanity's evolution by devastating the world's population. Also, we believe the corporation faces customer confusion issues, as Umbrella has been responsible for roughly a dozen different viruses on the market in the span of about a dozen years. Do they really expect consumers to understand the difference between the T-Virus and the T-Veronica Virus, or Las Plagas and Uroboros?'

    In other bailout news, after being denied federal funding last month, the Mishima Corporation declared Chapter 7 bankruptcy today. 'It turns out holding a no-holds-barred international fighting tournament to determine the company's CEO wasn't such a hot idea after all,' lamented one executive who wished to remain nameless.

  • Let's Experience Culture!

    'Let's eat at McDonalds!'

    *facepalm*

  • It's All Greek To Me....

    I havn't been blogging much- even Twitter has been feeling ignored and unloved by me, but this time there is a true reason besides my constant vegetative state of pure lazy.

    I'm in Greece for my Study Tour at the moment, so preparing for the trip sort of took priority (of course, Resident Evil 5 always remained number one for me...). We left on Sunday morning at half five and arrived in the afternoon knackered as can be. Unfortunatly, the rest of my grop decided they wanetd to play a game of 'guess the ancient Greek character' for two hours... so I didn't actually get to sleep until two am local time :(

    (You may have noticed that this is an actual blog... blog. That's because there are people in line to use the Hostel computer, so I need to update this quickly. This is all off the top of my head baby!)

    Today was pretty intertesting to tell the truth. We woke at eight (six hours sleep for the lose) and hiked to the Acropolis. Ya wanna know the truth? It's not as impressive as it is made out to be. I also broke my friends camera and failed to map read our way to the Agora. Yes, we got lost and it was all my fault.

    So that's pretty much day one of my two week study tour. Hopefully I'll get some pictures uploaded soon, especially the one of me playing the DS infront of the Parthenon but for now, I must dash- some Chinese students are dying for the computer.

  • Go See Watchman...Again

    Watchmen co-screenwriter (from a draft or two back) and video game voice actor David Hayter (SNAAAAAKE!?) had an open letter to film fans that's been making the rounds, you can read a good full copy over on AICN: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/40409

    Basically, he's asking not only Watchmen fans but also detractors, mixed-feelers and even non-carers to go see it 'again' this weekend. His reasoning is sound. Hollywood math is all about how hard you drop in the second weekend, and if Watchmen takes a Jonas Bros. level tumble in IT'S second weekend the verdict will be in: Only 'fanboys' care, you can't make money just off them, next time cut it to a PG13, get Beyonce' working on a theme song and hire Bret Ratner. I'm with Hayter on this one - a movie this uncompromising needs to be seen as a success, to encourage more like it to be made.

    If you have ANY inclination to see this again, do it today or saturday. Take friends. Spend 7 to 10 bucks, and help make the movie world a better place.

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