I’ve arrived home after walking up the steepest hill in existence, losing about ninety percent of my body’s water supply through my sweat glands, then getting it all back again by walking all the way home in the biggest raindstorm all year.

But I cannot forget about my latest WHSmth adventure: it seems buying books is no longer the main market for those cunning folk who run the shop. Nope, the future lies in Filofaxes!

Nothing but.

Forgive me, but I always thought that Filofaxes went out of style about the same time as Wham and mullet hairdoes did. I thought Filofaxes must have to share a a shelf with other stationary, kept between notepads and the correctional fluid. Yet here they were- every single type of filofax one could ever imagine, packed in film that filled shelves that towered higher than my house.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m sure, if you REALLY needed one, you’d only ever need one single Filofax in your whole lifetime. am I really expected to believe that you need to upgrade your Filofax every time a new model comes out? It’s a posh address book, dammit, I dont think there’s a single Pentium chip in it (with the exception of the UltraMeister Executive Bastard Filofax Mk.2 of course). Or perhaps it’s some kind of game rich executives play; the same one they play with their cars and their trophy wives?

EXECUTIVE 1: Hey, guys, did you notice me drive into work today in my new red Buick with an incredibly hot woman? Oh, and check out this new Filofax! It’s an UberDelux 2000 with optional electronic bookmark!

EXECUTIVE 2: (walking in) My, what a great day it is to turn up at work in my brand new red Porche with Cindy Crawford. Oh my, look, I have casually placed my Managerial Type 6000 Filofax with built-in spin dryer on the desk.

MANAGER: Hey, Executive 1, be a good lad and get someone to clean my new red Ferrari with time travel capability I had specially made, would you? and Executive 2, could you take my wife Helen of Troy to the shops at lunch? Thanks. Oh, and tell her ‘thank you’ for the Extension 10K Filofax with free African slave boy she got me for my birthday. It’s bound with real Puerto Rican baby skin!

(Executive 1 and Executive 2 burst into tears of jealousy)